Staying put would be the easy option. Consistency is safe; there is certainty in it and there are no surprises. But, there are no surprises. I would know what to expect each morning as I awake and I would know that I would be returning to that very same bed that night. I already know that, for now, I crave uncertainty for the future. I yearn for adventure and challenge. I want to experience all that I can. I don’t doubt that I will make the decision to leave my job and move half-way round the world, but will I make the most of it?
I am, by nature, a planner. I like to think things through thoroughly; I like to be prepared. Yet I am, at the same time, jealous of those who achieve spontaneity; who manage to live their lives on a whim and enjoy the adventures which are thrown at them. I plan because it abates the worries and thoughts of what could go wrong. I am fearful of making mistakes: A bad judgement call, the wrong choice, screwing it up. These fears can keep my adventurous nature subdued as I ponder what failure would look like. But, at what price? What stories, potential memories and life-changing experiences could I be missing out on?
This morning, as I was enduring the tube ride to work, I read the following passage in my book:
I had to live my life over, I’d try to make more mistakes next time.
I would relax
I would be sillier than I have been on this trip.
I know of very few things I would take seriously.
I would take more chances.
I would take more trips.
I would climb more mountains, swim more rivers and watch more sunsets.
I would eat more ice-creams and eat less beans.
I would have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones.
You see, I am one of those people who live prophylactically and sanely and sensibly, hour and hour, day after day.
Oh, I have had my moments and, if I had to do it over again, I’d have more of them.
In fact, I’d try to have nothing else.
Just moments, one after another.
If I had my life to live over, I would start bare-footed earlier in the spring. And stay that way later in the fall.
I would play hooky more.
I would ride on more merry-go-rounds.
I’d pick more daisies.
(For Better or Wose, Damien and Siobhain Horner)
This embodies my resolution for this year and beyond. To take a pre-emptive strike on regrets. To not worry about the little things. To dive in head first, not worrying about the possibilities of sharks, but wondering at the beautiful new world I will discover. To see a rain shower and relish the opportunity for dancing. To consider every day how very lucky I am and to make the most of it. Why wait until I am old to wear purple?
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