I’ve had a sort of job offer on the table for about a month now. In theory it’s an ideal next step for me – the job I’ve been looking for since graduating two years ago. It would mean more responsibility, more money, more promotion opportunities and more stability. All of this in the field in which I studied and the only area I’ve ever really been interested in – Events Management. It would be the first permanent job I have ever had.
I don’t want it.
The idea of signing up for a job without an end terrifies me. I don’t mind working hard, I just want to know that whatever I’m doing has a light at the end of the tunnel. I am, I’ve decided, a ‘work commitment phobe’. I don’t want to make long-term plans. I want to pick up a job whenever and wherever I please and leave it when I’ve had enough. The problem is, I don’t want anyone to get hurt. I don’t want to stand them up one day and then never call. I like to try and stay friends.
The idea of signing up for a permanent job whilst knowing that I don’t intend to stay for even a year ties my stomach up in knots with the potential for guilt. I also happen to be useless at lying, so the chances of managing to keep my ever-bubbling travel conversation under wraps for 10 months seems relatively unlikely. Quite obviously I’ve talked myself out of accepting the job.
The Road Ahead?
But even in sitting down and drafting an email, it’s terrifying to admit to anyone outside of my friends and family what I intend for my future. It would be the first time I have essentially stood up and proudly declared that I intend to shirk society’s expectations of me, whilst carving my own unconventional path in the world, travelling and working abroad to my heart’s content for the foreseeable future. I am, of course, not the first to do such a thing and I very much doubt I will be the last. But on a very personal level it is a huge step to take this idea that I have been protecting and cherishing since I was 10 years old and put it out there into the harsh light of day. My dream to live a life which makes me happy will be exposed, ripe for judgement and potentially mockery.
I believe in what I am doing so completely that I wouldn’t let anyone’s judgement deter me. But, while it’s still such an overwhelming concept, any negativity cuts deeply. Any doubt expressed by others multiplies many times the doubts I already have.
Although, the naysayers can, in their own way, spur me on. That they who have chosen to lead the 9-5 life are sceptical is, in a small way, an encouragement. It is a reinforcement. I, the work-commitment-phobe, don’t want to be looking down the barrel of a life in the office. So, why would I choose to measure myself against those who do?
Unfortunately, this certainty does not make the actual act of turning down a job much easier. Still, I know what i want and I am stubborn enough to go after it, no matter how terrifying.
I steady my hand, take a deep breath… and hit send.
Would your ‘dream job’ make you think twice about pursuing your dreams?
Edit: Since writing this post, the job has once more been offered to me. However, this time it has been on my terms. I will get the time off I had promised myself this year and be in a position to leave prior to my trip. In the meantime, the opportunity for a well paying stable job simply presents to me a good way to stash plenty of money with which to fund my adventures.
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Boldly announcing that you plan to shirk society’s expectations can also be extremely liberating and exciting. I’ve had the same job now for seven years and I will be tossing it to travel and write. I, too, have felt the power of a friend’s negativity at my idea. At the beginning, the idea is such a fragile flame that even the most minor whiff of skepticism has the potential to blow it out, to send you back to the routine you dread.
For your situation, if you have the experience to get this offer now then it follows you’ll have the same qualifications if and when you return from your travels.
I love these posts (found you on Nomadic Chick’s),
Keith
Keith´s last blog ..Travel Gems or Fool’s Gold?
Thanks for your comment Keith. I think it’s this inbetween stage, where you’ve made the decision but no solid plans, which is where you can be most vulnerable to the opinions of others. I have no doubts about what I want to do, just got to find the right way to earn the money to get me there.
Thanks for reading!
Congratulations on making the decision to go forward! It is a very scary step. Here’s the thing — almost all of our friends and family are supportive and even jealous of what we are doing. Sure, there will be a few naysayers, but on the whole, we have had so many people tell us that we have inspired them to do something a little different. Go and be inspirational and don’t worry about the skeptics!
Thank you! I have noticed that underneath other’s scepticism is normally thinly veiled jealousy. But I think the rewards from getting out and seeing the world far outweigh those doubts. I’ve loved reading your blog by the way, thanks for reading mine!
Knowing what you want, or don’t want in this case, puts you so far ahead of most people on the road to happiness. Stick with what fits you and it will all work out. Two days of go was my last day of an 11 year job/career. I’m going to do whatever I can to make it my last day and find ways to do what I want to from now on. Good luck!
“I am, I’ve decided, a ‘work commitment phobe’. I don’t want to make long-term plans. I want to pick up a job whenever and wherever I please and leave it when I’ve had enough.”
Yes! So am I! At my current job there are some people who have been working there for over 25 years. 25 years! At the same job! Doing the same thing day after day. God. I do NOT want to do that. I can handle a year or so (I’ve been working at this job– part-time– for almost three), but more than a quarter of my life? No thanks.
People (i.e. my mom) keep telling me that I don’t HAVE to work at the same job for a million years, but watching the previous couple of generations do it just freaks me out. Because that’s what they expect me to do, too! And my own generation mostly seems to be trying to copy those earlier generations, which is disheartening. Eek.
Okay, I’m rambling. Sorry!
But I’m glad there’s at least one other person out there who doesn’t want to find a job and keep it forever.
Anastasia´s last blog ..Read This Stuff (1)
It’s the feeling of not being alone that I love about the travel blogging community! It definitely seems to be bucking the trend though to not be looking to get the career necessary to earn lots of money, but that’s fine with me. Good luck finding the best balance for you!
Shrinking society’s expectations of yourself is a good thing. It means your going against the grain….your thinking for yourself. The less expectations upon your shoulders, the more things to make yourself happy you can experience. While some 9 to “fivers” are just jealous, many would never even think of living this type of a life. You’ve got this down at an early age, that’s fantastic!!!
Hi Jeff, thanks so much for your encouraging words. I think the only drawback to figuring this out at a young age is that we don’t have twenty years of savings behind us!
Sarah- Not necessarily… being young without savings forces you to be enterprising and find ways to make it happen. Heck, I’m 36 and have squat for savings…you’re far ahead on the path to living a more mobile life.
There are lot of stories from people who scrimp and scrounge for just a couple years then have enough to go travel. Of course, you need to be making a decent, stable amount during that period.
Keep it up
Jeff – Digital Nomad Journey\’s last post…Why I’m Becoming A Digital Nomad